You Know You're Fifty When by Richard Smith

Whether you're over the hill, approaching the hill, or rolling down it, this is the ultimate guide to life after 50--so get your readers and settle in! Getting closer to the big Five-O? Know someone who is? Sure, 50 might be a scary number, but it's also a state of mind, an opportunity to drape an afghan over your shoulders when you're chilly or start enjoying cruises. For anyone in denial about reaching the half-century milestone, New York Times bestselling author Richard Smith clues you in on certain signs that you can't ignore. Because even if you feel like you're at the top of your game, you know you're 50 when . . . ? Blowing up balloons gets you winded. ? You start jogging with an ID. ? It can take up to fifteen minutes to climb out of a hammock. ? Staying power refers to remaining awake through Cats. ? You think menopause entitles you to park in a handicap zone. ? Your tailor diplomatically suggests it's time to let out your barbecue apron. ? You actually start to obey the Don't Walk signal. ? Florida starts looking good. So go ahead and blow your retirement savings on cruises, trips to Paris, and plastic surgery--you've got another 50 years to go! Editorial Reviews From the Inside Flap Richard Smith's wildly popular books have made America laugh about everything from wedding-night jitters to weight loss. Now he turns his comic talent to a subject he's about to experience himself: climbing the half-century hill. Over the next 15 years, 45 million baby boomers will celebrate their 50th birthdays. With Smith as their guide, the Boomers will know exactly what lies ahead. Not only does turning 50 mean you survived your 40s, but you get to join the AARP, answer your front door in bedroom slippers, and spend your kid's inheritance on liposuction. You also know you're 50 when... Your main form of aerobic exercise is getting up to change the channelAn obscene phone call makes you chuckleYou think a mosh pit is something found at the center of an exotic fruitYou wonder who'll die first--you or your moneyYou wish the ol' ticker had a quartz movementPerformance anxiety refers to your golf game With 200 of these cleverly illustrated clues and quips as well as comparison charts, entertaining graphs, and hilarious lists, You Know You're 50 When... will be the must-have, must-give birthday present for every soon-to-be-50 American. From the Back Cover Richard Smith's wildly popular books have made America laugh about everything from wedding-night jitters to weight loss. Now he turns his comic talent to a subject he's about to experience himself: climbing the half-century hill. Over the next 15 years, 45 million baby boomers will celebrate their 50th birthdays. With Smith as their guide, the Boomers will know exactly what lies ahead. Not only does turning 50 mean you survived your 40s, but you get to join the AARP, answer your front door in bedroom slippers, and spend your kid's inheritance on liposuction. You also know you're 50 when... Your main form of aerobic exercise is getting up to change the channelAn obscene phone call makes you chuckleYou think a mosh pit is something found at the center of an exotic fruitYou wonder who'll die first--you or your moneyYou wish the ol' ticker had a quartz movementPerformance anxiety refers to your golf game With 200 of these cleverly illustrated clues and quips as well as comparison charts, entertaining graphs, and hilarious lists, You Know You're 50 When... will be the must-have, must-give birthday present for every soon-to-be-50 American. About the Author Richard Smith was a New York Times bestselling author whose books and calendars appear in many languages. His works include The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex, Your Cat's Just Not That Into You, You Know You're 60 When . . ., Everything I Need to Know I Learned from My Dog, and the Bad Cat calendar series. About the Author Richard Smith was a New York Times bestselling author whose books and calendars appear in many languages. His works include The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex, Your Cat's Just Not That Into You, You Know You're 60 When . . ., Everything I Need to Know I Learned from My Dog, and the Bad Cat calendar series. Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. You Know You're 50 When . . . You're only as old as he feels. --51-year-old divorcée discussing her new personal trainer How do you know when you're approaching 50? For most of us, it's simple, like consulting a birth certificate or realizing that, lately, it's taking a bit longer to touch up those roots. For others, it's more subtle--like growing misty-eyed upon hearing the Beatles sing Yesterday or trying to recall where your gum line was the day Nixon resigned. Happily, however, reaching 50 is not so bad. Not only does it mean you survived your forties, but it confers certain privileges. You get to do really cool things, like join the AARP, drape a natty afghan over your shoulders when you feel a chill, and spend your kids' inheritance on cruises, trips to Paris, and liposuction. Wrinkles now become laugh lines, and, best of all, tactful friends start putting only one candle on your birthday cakes, thus sparing you the effort of blowing out fifty at once. Actually, deciding whether you're 50 is easy. Determining which type of 50 you are--Typical (the blood rushes to your head when you try to open a stuck window) or Youthful (you still watch MTV, but in wingtips)--may be a problem. We hope these pages will help.